


A More Exciting Game of Baseball

by orphan_account



Category: FAHC - Fandom, Fake AH crew - Fandom, Immortal!Fake AH Crew
Genre: Nonbinary Character, nonbinary!Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 12:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5539826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin thinks baseball games could use a little livening up. Michael takes the opportunity to add some explosive fun to the game in the form of grenades. Because hitting live explosives with baseball bats couldn't possibly be a bad idea and definitely won't end up destroying anyone's property.</p>
<p>A short, one-shot of what the crew does on their days off. Their immortality allows them to get a bit more destructive with their pastimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A More Exciting Game of Baseball

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maxride003](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxride003/gifts).



> Gift fic for the awesome maxride003 who asked for "what the crew gets up to when they aren't heisting"! Merry Christmas!

Michael and Gavin lounged on the hood of Geoff's sports car parked outside his penthouse. The setting sun cast a golden tint on Gavin's aviators and blanketed the whole town in the warm glow of a lazy, summer afternoon. Activity dully buzzed around them as the day came to an end, the pair casually sipping beers and chatting back and forth. Ten stories up were Jack, Ryan, and Ray, housed up in Geoff's penthouse despite Geoff himself being MIA. Geoff had long ago submitted to the fact that his house was no longer his own private getaway. He couldn't stop the crew for long from dropping in whenever they wanted.

"I'm just saying, I don't get why you Americans make such a big deal about baseball," Gavin said.

"What? Do you not have baseball in England or something?" Michael teased.

"No. I mean we do, but not really."

"'We do, but not really,'" Michael repeated slowly, feigning obtuseness about the apparent contradiction. He grinned at Gavin over the top of his beer, amused.

"It's just not that big a thing there."

"And what do you play in England? Cricket? Fucking quidditch?"

"That's Australia you dope."

Michael put up his palms in mock surprise. "Oh, my mistake."

"I've been to a baseball game," Gavin continued, "and it was just eh, ya know. All they did was stand around and throw the ball to each other." He scrunched up his nose in distaste. "Meh." He shrugged.

Michael chocked on his beer, the cough merging into a laugh. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He sputtered. "You literally just described the game of baseball. That's what they _do_! They hit the ball and they throw it to each other!" He kicked his voice up a few pitches, donning his best squeaky, British voice. "Oh, I went to a baseball game once, and all they did was play baseball! Complete rubbish!" He hunched over his beer laughing.

"No, no that's no what I mean!" Gavin said, raising his voice indignantly to be heard over Michael. "They just coulda done something to make it more exciting. Added a little fanfare or something."

Michael quieted down, slumping back onto the hood of the car. He looked at Gavin with a bemused grin. "Fanfare? What the hell does that mean?"

"I dunno, just something to keep it interesting. Like, fireworks or..." Gavin threw out his hands, "or explosions or something."

"Fucking explosions?" Michael barked out laughing again.

"They need something to livin' up the dull parts a little," Gavin said, his voice rising again.

Michael waved him off, still laughing. "Haha, holy shit dude! Hold on hold on, your stupid opinion just gave me a great idea. Wait here." He set his beer on the warm pavement and dashed inside.

A minute after Michael disappeared, Ryan and Ray emerge from the building, taking off towards opposite ends of the street. A few minutes after that, Michael himself reappeared, wearing a wild grin that stretched from ear to ear. He toted a lumpy sack over one shoulder and a metal baseball bat in the the other hand. He shook the sack in front of Gavin's face, the contents of the bag clanking around noisily.

"We're gonna play some baseball, boi," Michael said excitedly.

"And what's with them?" Gavin asked, gesturing towards Ryan and Ray who had returned and taken a position on the side of the building. Ryan had striped down from his mask and leather jacket in the warm weather, but kept the face paint, his hair tied out of the way in a messy bun. He was leaning on the side of the building, a smoking cigarette in one hand. Ray, despite the heat, still stuffed himself in his worn, purple hoodie. He had come out absentmindedly playing a DS, but at some point exchanged it for a phone, which he now had pointed at Gavin.

"Oh, don't mind us," Ryan said, with mad grin to match Michael's. "We're just watching." He turned to Michael, giving him a thumbs up. "You're good to go, the streets are clear."

"Alright, let's play some baseball then," Michael said.

As the two were talking, Jack emerged from the building. They spoke a few quiet words with Ray, shook their head, and took out their phone to make a call.

Michael handed Gavin the bat and took his position a little ways down the street, out of the way of their penthouse building. Gavin hesitantly followed him, taking his own, mirrored position on the other end of the street.

"You ready, boi?" Michael called.

"I guess," Gavin called back. A fast-pitched ball chased the words from his mouth, throwing him into the game straightaway. He frantically swung at the ball, his bat colliding off-center with it with a light tink of metal on metal. It sent the ball flying in a fast, low, arc backwards.

Gavin opened his mouth to chastise Michael for not giving him any time to prepare when a low explosion knocked the wind out of him. Heat dully prickled the back of his neck. He dove behind the nearest car with a yelp, scarping his jeans on the pavement in his haste. A few seconds later he looked up from his cover, his face flushed from heat and panic, but otherwise unharmed.

"What the bloody hell was that?!" Gavin squawked. In the quiet after the explosion he could hear the rest of the crew bellowing with laughter. He slowly walked back into the street. His eyes darted from the sky, to Michael, to the lumpy bag tossed to the ground. He opened his mouth wordlessly as the pieces fit together. "Was that a grenade?!" He demanded. "Did you just throw a bloody grenade at me?"

"It sure fucking was," Michael wheezed between his laughter. His voice cracked as he tried, and failed, to compose himself. "Holy shit, you were right, that _was_  way more exciting than a normal baseball game!"

"You- you could have killed me!" Gavin sputtered out.

Michael waved a hand at him. "Oh, you were fine as long as you hit it, which you did. You woulda come back in, like, 20 minutes anyway. You regenerate so often your body should be good at it by now."

Gavin stammered nonsensically and hiked his shoulders up like an agitated bird. He turned to Ryan, Ray, and Jack for support, but Ryan still had a hand on the building, supporting himself as he continued to laugh. Ray and Jack, meanwhile, were both grinning over Ray's phone.

"Sorry, dude," Ray said with an apologetic shrug, "but it was pretty funny." He pointed at his phone. "I think I just killed Lindsay and Kdin with the video of it." Gavin closed his mouth and glared.

"Come on, boi," Michael said, approaching Gavin with the sack. "We can switch." He extended the sack out in offering.

"Fine," Gavin muttered, exchanging his bat for the grenades. "See how much fun it is when _you're_  on the receiving end of the explosives."

The two retook their positions and Gavin pitched the ball. This time a resounding clank was heard as Michael hit the grenade dead on, sending it flying far and fast. A dull detonation could be heard from the end of the street, followed by the wail of a car alarm and the tinkling of shrapnel hitting the ground.

Michael was practically bouncing in glee at his game, and even Gavin cracked a smile this time. "Alright, that was pretty cool," Gavin conceded.

"Almost made it to that building at the end of the block, too," Michael said. "50 bucks to whoever can break the window before the grenade explodes," he declared.

"I'm betting on Ryan," Ray said.

"Alright," Ryan said, extinguishing his cigarette on the side of the building, "I'll give it a shot." Michael handed the bat off to him and Gavin stayed to pitch. His bat was as impressive as expected, flying fast and low but speeding past the target before exploding and setting off two more car alarms to join in the cacophony of chaos.

"Damn," Ryan whispered. "I set off two more car alarms, though." He grinned. "That's got to count for something." He held out the bat. "Ray?"

"Can I just bet 50 dollars against myself right now?" Ray asked, but was already heading towards the street. "100 that I'll miss completely and end up killing myself like an idiot?"

"Try and keep your eye on the ball as it comes in," Jack suggested.

"I'll try to keep that in mind as Gavin's throwing live grenades at me," Ray joked. He took the bat from Ryan and tucked it under his shoulder while he pulled his DS from his hoodie pocket. Enveloping both his hands around Ryan's, he clasped the DS between them. Holding him there, Ray looked into his eyes. "If I die," he said solomnly, "take care of my Pokémon." Ryan just snorted and took the DS as Ray awkwardly took his stance.

A familiar light tink sounded as Ray hit the grenade off center. It went shattering off a store-front window and onto the hood of Geoff's sports car. There, it detonated with a heavty rumble, sending the crew scrambling behind whatever cover was nearby. When they eventually peaked out from whatever they could dodge behind, all that was left of the vehicle was a smoking, black shell.

"Holy shit!" Michael yelled. His face glowed despite the rolling smoke, betraying the obvious delight he took in the destruction.

"Geoff's not gonna be too happy about that," Ryan said, though his face revealed the same joy as Michael.

"Dude's fucking loaded," Michael said, "I'm sure he can afford another."

"Woo!" Ray cheered, throwing up his hands. "I'm not dead! And I caused the most property damage! Does that mean I won?"

"Not until I get a go," Jack said, walking out to take their turn and switching spots with Ray. Their strike sounded sharp and short, sending the ball soaring down the street. It slowly swerved towards the building, and a faint shattering of glass was heard before the poor office cubicle within was torn inside out. Jack smiled triumphantly.

"Well somebody's got an arm on them," Ryan said.

"Guess we know which one of us masturbates the most," Ray piped in.

"Ooh, Ray, come on," Jack said laughing, but scrunching their nose up in disgust.

"Hey, you guys can't set me up so perfectly then expect me _not_ to make the joke," Ray said.

Down the street, a car cautiously turned the corner. It pulled up alongside the crew and from it Geoff stepped out. "Jesus H. Christ, I could hear you guys across the entire damn city. What the hell are you doing?"

"Just playing a little baseball," Ryan supplied.

"With what?" Geoff asked. "Fucking _grenades_?"

Michael grinned sheepishly. "Weeeeell, actually..."

Geoff shook his head. "I don't know how you idiots are all still alive."

"Well, so far," Ryan said, quiet enough to avoid drawing Geoff's attention, but his boss's mind was already elsewhere as his eyes found the charred wreckage.

"Holy shit is that my car?!" Geoff exclaimed. He jumped into the street and ran to the smoldering heap. "What did you assholes do to my car?!"

An awkward silence washed over the rest of the crew. The only sounds were the pathetic whimpers emanating from Geoff. No one bothered to answer, save with some awkward shuffling and averted eyes. Gavin was the first to break the silence as he feigned a yawn and a stretch. "I think that's enough baseball for me," he said and headed inside. He only paused to clasp Ray on the shoulder. Leaning in to whisper, he said, "It was nice known' ya." Ray's mouth dropped open. His eyes widened in shock and rising panic as he realized what was happening.

Before Ray could stop them, Michael followed suit, giving Ray a "Rest in piece, dude," as he passed.

Ryan stopped to give him a pat on the back and a "Good luck," before leaving.

Jack just shot him an apologetic glance. "Try to give him the most pathetic, sorry look you can," they said. "That usually helps."

Ray threw up his hands as they past. "Oh come on, really?! Thanks a lot guys!" He cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled, "You better fucking take care of my Pokémon, Ryan!"


End file.
